Rhythm
by Fearlessness721
Summary: Post-Ep for Pursuit, a story based on Elliot and Olivia's bond as partners and best friends
1. Chapter 1

_I don't need him. I don't need him. I don't __**want**__ to need him. _The thoughts raced through Olivia's head, but she knew she was fighting a losing battle. She wanted…needed to see her partner.

She thought about this as she washed the blood from her hands, shaky and feeling ill. Her thoughts jumbled together inside her brain as she remembered the events from the last few days. TV Crew. Alicia Harding. Elliot. Dead, frozen teenagers in the park. Elliot. Sonya. So much blood. Elliot. She stared at herself in the mirror, trying to focus on the case, on anything but the images of the scarlet splattered bathroom emblazoned into her brain and the fact that Sonya was gone. They had never been friends, there were times she even despised her…but they had come to a peaceful co-existence. And it didn't matter who or what or why…no one deserved to die like that. No one deserved to be so tragically and brutally murdered. Olivia had seen plenty of death…more than any ten people off of the street would ever see in all of their days. It didn't matter. Seeing someone that she'd known in life, talked with, worked with…it was something she would always carry with her.

She was still trying to sort out the mess of thoughts in her head when she saw him. She had the brief thought that she'd never been so grateful to see him as when she rounded that corner. Maybe it wasn't true. There had been several times in her life that she'd been just as grateful to see him. The day she had rounded the corner in the forensics lab and saw him strapped to a chair, bleeding, but very much alive. The day she had helped to bring little Eli into the world and fought alongside rescue workers to save his wife. The day she came back to work after being in Oregon. She could have listed many, many more events in her head, but in a matter of seconds, all of these thoughts were gone as she went into his arms. "I'm so glad you're back." She said, hating the way her voice sounded, needy. Needing him, needing to feel something, needing to know she wasn't alone in the world.

"I should've come back sooner." He answered, feeling her hair, her breath against his face. She felt the words he wasn't saying. _It could have been you, Liv. I'm sorry I wasn't here. I'm here now. I'll always have your back. _The tears she had squelched before resurfaced, and she felt irritated and impatient with herself for not being in better control of her emotions.

She pulled back, touching her cheek to his for a brief second, assuring him that she was fine. He studied her, knowing the things she couldn't say, not even to him. She _wasn't_ fine. Each case took a piece of her. He knew that she had changed; they both had changed. He knew that this was a necessary, vital part of their partnership and of the job. They had to adapt in order to survive the lives they had chosen. Although he understood this, he sometimes missed who they had been before.

In a matter of seconds, Olivia was back to business, thinking about the next step in the case. He watched as she walked away, taking a minute before catching up to her. She put on her brave face, but she would cry when she was alone. Those brief seconds she was willing to let her guard down for him never lasted very long.

He drove her back to the precinct, not willing to leave her side and not ready to let her drive. He had seen her hands tremble as she'd pulled her coat tighter around her and he knew it had nothing to do with the chill in the air. Fin had taken the other car, clumsily patting Olivia's hand and mumbling something about seeing them soon. His words from a few days previous reverberated around Elliot's head. "I'm better, because I watch her back and not just her backside." Elliot pondered this. Olivia was attractive, no doubt, but he was a man very much in love with his wife. Fin may not understand his bond with Olivia, but it was deeper than physical attraction, deeper than friendship…hell, even he didn't understand what it was. It just _was_.

Olivia, in the seat beside him, was still and silent and he found himself glancing in her direction far more often than usual. After several long moments of silence, she sucked in a deep breath and muttered, "I'm fine, El."

"Liv," He began, but she said the words again, forcefully, coming from somewhere deep inside of her soul and he knew that for the moment at least, the subject was closed. He let it go, but he worried. The last few months had not been kind to her. He had watched her grieve the loss of Calvin for weeks. She still missed the little boy. She had wanted to be his mother. To be somebody's mother…

He heard her draw a shaky breath, and he glanced at her again. She didn't even try to hide the lone tear that slowly trickled down her cheek. He didn't speak. Sometimes their partnership was beyond words. They felt these things together with one mind, one heartbeat, and these things did not need words. He had not been there when Sonya took her last breath. She had not been there when he had discovered O'Halloran bleeding on the floor. But the impact of these and others resonated deep within them, hung between them somewhere in the balance of who they were combined. They both felt it. It was inexplicable, but it was real. It was part of the glue that held their partnership together. He felt what she was feeling. With one hand on the wheel, he reached up with the other, affectionately squeezing her shoulder. He didn't speak, and she didn't move. The silence roared louder and faster inside the sedan until he had to say something, anything to break through it.

"Captain going to make you meet with Huang?" He knew the answer to this. It was a ridiculous question, really, but he needed to fill the void.

She nodded, finding her own voice to admit, "I haven't spoken to him, but I'm sure he will."

"Might be a good idea." His voice was light, belying the heaviness he felt inside. He took his hand off of her shoulder and placed it back on the wheel, turning the corner. He was wavering somewhere between feeling that this was the longest drive of his life and wishing he could stay in the car all night with her, if only to make sure that she was alright. The silence was killing him, reminding him that she was _not_ alright.

"I…I'm not sure how much more of this I can take." She blurted suddenly, never moving her eyes in his direction. He waited, knowing she would spill when she was ready. She trusted him, trusted who she was when it was just the two of them together. He knew her as well as she knew herself.

She reminded herself to breathe, willed herself to not allow the tears to flow again, and continued. "What holds us to this job? What makes us come back?"

He mulled this over as he waited for her to say more. It was a discussion they'd had in the past. It always ended the same way. They couldn't just walk away. The reasons were piled up under the years of holding victim's hands, telling parents their child was not coming home, seeing their friends lying in pools of their own blood. They'd lasted years longer than most in the unit. They kept coming back because it was an everyday part of who they were. Brush their teeth, take a shower, be someone's hero…it was instinctive, as natural as breathing. Although there were many nights they lay awake trying to forget, there were also beautiful, unforgettable moments, and neither of them had ever been able to leave for long.

Some days the beauty in it was hard to remember. Elliot shook his head, vaguely wondering if Olivia was waiting for an answer. He glanced in her direction again, and the look on her face terrified him for reasons he could not explain.

"Olivia." He whispered. Her whole name, Olivia, not Liv…he rarely called her Olivia. The name rolled off of his lips, landed somewhere in the atmosphere between them, waiting…waiting…

It seemed like many moments went by before she shook her own head, whispering so low that he almost missed it, "Why should I come back tomorrow?"

He reached for her hand, then, needing to feel her, needing for her to feel him. He squeezed it gently, trying to get her to look at him, but her thoughts were far away and he suddenly missed her even though he was holding her hand. They were always in rhythm, always in sync, but what she had been through tonight was weighing so heavily on her that he was afraid of where her head was. He was afraid of her next move.

In the next second, she dropped her eyes to his hand, still clasped around her fingers, unchartered territory for them. He abruptly let go, bringing his hand back to the steering wheel. "I'm sorry." He said quickly, and just like that, the moment was over. She snapped back into reality, focused on the task at hand. She was stoic, professional, and ready to work. The change came not a moment too soon, as they were pulling into the precinct. She pushed aside her feelings, her concerns, and her tears and prepared to work. She glanced back at Elliot just once as she walked into the building, making sure he was coming along. He was just a step behind her, their footsteps in sync as they tucked the pain and sadness aside for later so that they could do their job to the best of their abilities.

It was what made them who they were.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** _Thank you for the reviews! I do plan on continuing this. I have a few more chapters for sure, and then, who knows? _

_I don't own SVU or the characters in this story._

Fin had brought in Alicia Harding's assistant, and she was waiting for Elliot and Olivia to speak to her. At the captain's insistence, Olivia took a moment to collect herself. She changed her shirt, washed her face. She didn't want to waste any time but she needed a second to ground her thoughts. She couldn't help but think of the ride from the church to the precinct, Elliot's hand grasping hers, making her feel safe. Was it okay to need that? Was it okay to miss him when he wasn't there? She wasn't sure. The boundaries were murky, especially in her presently fragile frame of mind.

She wasn't in love with Elliot. She would never have come between him and his wife, even if this was the case, but it wasn't. Sure, she loved him, but it was a different kind of love…a common understanding, a bond that transcended what most people could understand. The connection they had from working side by side for so many years was stronger than any connection she'd ever had to another human being. She couldn't explain it, it just _was_. She was so glad he was back, could help her finish this case. She knew that Fin would always have her back, but Fin was just not Elliot. He never could be.

The sound of someone coming up behind her brought her out of her thoughts. She knew it was him before turning to look. She knew his walk and his smell. She knew the sound of his shoes against the floor in the crib, and she knew he was there to check on her before they carried on. He needed to see for himself that she was alright before they could take the next step. Elliot spoke softly. "We're ready with the cell trace. The assistant is waiting." She nodded, running a hand through her hair. She was ready. "You okay?" He asked.

She nodded again. "Let's do this." Her voice sounded strange even to her own ears, and she knew that it would not go unnoticed by Elliot. She also knew that he knew her well enough to know that she needed to do this. It wasn't time for giving up and going home, although no one would have blamed her for taking a break, getting some rest. She closed the cold metal locker, the sound echoing through the crib, through her skull, through the walls of her heart. She took a deep breath, steadied herself. She would interview the assistant, she would wait for Melinda's call, and she would get justice for Sonya.

Justice seemed like such a relative term these days. Case after case, victim after victim…Sonya was dead…where was the justice in that? Even if she and Elliot could put away her murderer, they couldn't change the fact that their co-worker was gone. She'd spent years of her life searching for the answers, to what end? What was the point? She'd been robbed of her life anyway. And in her dying moments, her last thought was to help them close this case. Peace for Alicia, justice for Vanessa...she'd tried to be a hero, but in those final moments, had it mattered? Had it mattered to Sonya?

Olivia pushed her thoughts aside once again as they approached the doorway to the interrogation room. Rachel Gray sat waiting for them, absent-mindedly messing with her fingernails. Olivia could see her through the glass and wondered what she'd been keeping from them. Alicia Harding had trusted her, that much had been clear, but was her trust misplaced?

Elliot hesitated outside of the door, turning to face her. "Liv." She looked up, met his eyes for a brief second, willing herself to focus on the case in front of them and the plan they'd made earlier. Their work was not finished here. She nodded slightly at the words he didn't speak, reassuring him_. I can do this, I really am okay, I want to see it through to the end for Sonya._ She conveyed all of this to him with a fleeting glance.

She knew that if she'd shown hesitation, if he'd read it in her eyes or in her demeanor, he would have gone in alone in the bat of an eye. As it was, he simply nodded, holding the door for her and following her in.

They had work to do.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Here is a short chapter between chapters. I have more in mind but computer problems and everyday life have gotten in the way some. I hope to upload sooner next time. I don't own anything. Here is chapter three.

Olivia sat at her desk, weary, reflecting on the last couple of days. This case had left its mark, as all cases did, but it was more than that this time. Adam Grafton had murdered 44 women, most of them young girls, one of them her co-worker. They had spent a few days speaking with families and friends of his victims. There were mothers who broke down in Olivia's arms, father's who stared right through her, unable to comprehend the magnitude of information she'd gathered from Grafton. Of course, she didn't reveal every detail she knew. There were some things that people didn't need haunting their dreams at night.

Perhaps the saddest of all were the victims they had been unable to find next of kin for. These were the forgotten girls, the girls whose cases had long since grown cold because there was no one to keep lighting the fires, to keep them going. These were the faces that would haunt Olivia's dreams. _Did they cry for anyone, when it happened? Or had they already given up, knowing they were truly alone in the world?_

Through the entire notification process, she, Elliot, Munch, and Fin worked side by side, and finally the case was closed. All of the families had either been informed or deemed unreachable. The case was closed, but it was far from over. There were still families with years of recovery and healing ahead of them. There was some solace in the fact that they had been able to give them some closure.

The case wasn't over for the detectives, either, as it had left its indelible mark upon them just like the infinite cases before. The cases that took the lives of those they knew and worked closely beside impacted them even more deeply. They would honor Sonya at her memorial, they would put flowers on her grave, and they would carry on. If for nothing else, for the routine and monotony they had come to rely upon to get them through until next time. _Nothing normal about this. _Olivia thought, and she knew one thing was true: She would carry the images and memory of Sonya dying in her arms with every step and every breath for a long, long time. _Forty-four women._

Munch entered from the crib just then, causing her to break her reverie of thoughts and emotions. His voice was steady and sure. "Liv, we're going to McGinty's for drinks. Are you coming along?" She knew Munch, of course, but couldn't always read him quite well. After all of these years he remained somewhat of a mystery. She wondered how he was handling this case, how he was handling Sonya's death. Munch had felt distant from her since he'd made sergeant, but for all intents and purposes, it was okay.

She cleared her throat, shaking her head. "Um, no. Thank you, but I'm just ready to go home."

He studied her, nodding. "Tomorrow then." He said kindly. _Tomorrow. Sonya's funeral. _She still had a hard time placing the two words together in her mind. Sonya….funeral. The ADA, who had been alive just days ago, was dead….gone…had bled out in Olivia's arms.

"Olivia?" Munch was saying. His eyes searched her face, waiting for something…what was it? Oh, yes.

"Yes, tomorrow." She agreed, offering a slight smile that didn't reach her eyes. It didn't have to, people knew she'd been there, knew it had affected her.

She really had been about to leave. The silence of the precinct that had bustled with people earlier was eerie now, reminding her of the events of the last few days. It was too quiet. There was pain in the silence, and loneliness…However, she knew it was the same at home. She'd be heading to her silent, empty apartment, and that is what held her in her desk chair for a few moments longer. Maybe she should have agreed to go to McGinty's. At least there were others there…and noise…life.

Elliot was next to turn the corner, his footsteps echoing through the still precinct. Something inside of her seemed to shift into balance when he was around. She offered a tense smile. "You been home since you got back into town?" She asked. He shook his head in the contrary.

"El." She said, and the tiny little word was loaded. He knew. He needed to get home to Kathy, to Eli…even to the twins, who were quickly growing out of the need for Dad to be home with them in the evenings. They'd be off to college soon. Or had Dickie landed on joining the military? For the life of her, Olivia couldn't remember.

"I wasn't ready yet, for the…." He struggled to find the right word, his thoughts scrambled together.

"Normalcy?" She supplied, and he nodded. The word fit perfectly.

"Grab a coffee with me?" He suggested. "And then I'll take you home."

She was about to decline, encourage him to go home to Kathy and the kids, but something in his eyes made her agree. His family had certainly long since gone to sleep, and it wouldn't take long to sit and have a coffee…rest awhile, debrief.

He grabbed her coat, waited while she shut down her computer, grabbed a few things from her desk. He held out his hand and she took it, allowing him to pull her to her feet. He held her jacked out to her, his eyes on her face, and she shrugged into it as they walked down the hall side by side, their steps resounding down the hallway, concurrent as usual. They needed no words between them, and she was strengthened just by his presence. It helped her remember that she was not alone in the world.


End file.
